Christmas Jokes Christmas is one of the jolliest times of the year. So what better time to roll out some amusing gags
Welcome to the Christmas jokes and one-liners page. Here you will find a wide collection of Christmas jokes and puns, for you to enjoy, use, and forward. Jokes are just jokes, not meant to be taken seriously, however, if you find anything that offends you, just let us know, and we will remove it. Now, just click on the links below, and have a nice Ho ! Ho ! Ho!
Funny Christmas Jokes and Humor
He couldn’t get past Iceland.
What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song?
All I Want For Christmas is EU
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life
What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus
Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house!
What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
It’s finally Christmas, Eve!
Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.
What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day?
Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?
Because the present’s beneath them
Where does mistletoe go to get famous?
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
Because it soots him
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
What do you call a snowman that can walk?
What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?
- A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”
- A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
- It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”