Funniest Ralph Wiggum Quotes
Classic Simpsons character Ralph Wiggum has had some great quotes over the show’s long run, but these are the funniest.
Out of all the characters on The Simpsons, Ralph Wiggum is probably one of the fans’ favorites. Although the Springfield residents often ridicule and pay him no attention due to his irrational ramblings, Ralph has proven himself to be a kind and considerate young boy. Every time he is on screen, the viewers wanted to wrap him up in cotton wool as he got himself in some awkward situations.
15“I’m A Star Wars.”
In “Once Upon a Time in Springfield,” everyone in Lisa’s Springfield Elementary School class dresses up as inspiring women throughout history and gives a presentation about who they’re dressed up as.
Many people in the class chose various real-life Princesses in history like Princess Diana, but as usual, Ralph has to be different from the rest. He dressed up as Princess Leia and says that he’s “a Star Wars” when it cuts to him dressed as Princess Leia.
14“This Is My Swing Set. This Is My Sandbox, I’m Not Allowed To Go In The Deep End.”
In “This Little Wiggy,” Bart goes to Ralph’s house after they have a play date at the Simpson’s household. This episode is full of hilarious Ralph Wiggum quotes as he’s part of the main plot of the episode.
Bart is more interested in Chief Wiggum’s various police paraphernalia around the house, but Ralph wants to show him his outside toys instead. Ralph shows him his swingset and his sandbox, which apparently has a deep end.
13“Slow Down, Bart! My Legs Don’t Know How To Be As Long As Yours.”
In “This Little Wiggy,” Marge decides to set up a play date between Ralph and Bart, which at first annoys Bart but when he goes to Ralph’s house and finds that his father has various police equipment and case files lying around the house, he changes his mind.
Ralph tries to walk with Bart he pleads with him that his legs aren’t as long and he can’t keep up, but says it in a way that only Ralph Wiggum could.
12“I’m A Unitard.”
In “Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair),” Homer decides to buy an ice cream truck and live out his dreams of selling ice cream all day. Marge decides she needs to let out her creative side as well and begins to build sculptures out of the used popsicle sticks from the popsicles that Homer sells.
In the episode, Ralph decides to smash an ice cream cone on his head and means to say that he’s a unicorn, but he hilariously says unitard instead.
11“If Mommy’s Purse Didn’t Belong In The Microwave, Why Did It Fit?”
In “Mathlete’s Feat,” Lisa is excited to turn her elementary school into a Waldorf school full of hands-on learning after the technological advances in the school are destroyed.
One part of the montage showing Springfield Elementary changing to the new program shows the students asking any question they want without worrying about raising their hands or having a filter. Ralph asks this completely nonsensical question that suggests he had recently put his mom’s purse in the microwave and was in trouble for it.
10“Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers, I’m Learneding.”
In “Lisa Gets an A,” the episode sees Lisa Simpson struggle with her guilt after she cheats on a test and gets a high score. Despite confessing to Skinner, the school board forces her to cover up her mistake because her ‘A’ had provided Springfield Elementary with financial aid. Now, they can buy basic equipment and necessities for the school.
While Skinner, Chalmers, and Lisa inspect the school, they walk into the computer room where they see Ralph playing on the console. It is here where Ralph delivers the iconic line with so much glee. While Chalmers looked on bemused, viewers couldn’t help but laugh at the mix-up.
9“And When The Doctor Said I Didn’t Have Worms Anymore, That Was The Happiest Day Of My Life.”
In “Lisa the Greek,” the viewers see Miss Hoover’s class read out their assignments on what was their best day ever. Although the audience misses a large chunk of Ralph’s, they, unfortunately, manage to catch the end of it. At some point in his life, it appears that Ralph had contracted worms and provided a very detailed and graphic account.
While the viewers were glad to miss how he got the infection, they couldn’t help but laugh at the story because it was such a ‘Ralph’ thing. It’s also quite funny when one realizes that out of all his happiest memories, this is his favorite.
8“Plant It And You’ll Grow A New Ralph.”
Ralph’s childish naivety has also provided the viewers with a good laugh. However, if there was one line that stands out the most, it has to be the one in “Specs and The City.” As Springfield approached Valentine’s Day in The Simpsons, the children of Springfield Elementary were seen making cards for their friends.
Lisa was seen to receive one from Ralph containing one of his teeth. When Lisa inquires why his tooth was in her card, he tells her to plant it so she would grow another Ralph. His childlike innocence gets funnier the more you think about it.
7“I’m In Danger.”
Since it has become one of the most relatable and popular memes on the Internet, another funny quote has to be “I’m in danger.” In “The Simpsons Guy,” two of television’s most popular sitcoms merge as the Simpsons and the Griffins meet. All seems to be well until the two family patriarchs start fighting over beer.
As their battle falls into the streets, Homer Simpson and Peter find themselves stealing a school bus and driving around in it recklessly. Despite knowing he is in danger sitting there, the viewers couldn’t help but laugh at how calm he appeared. Many fans have even used this quote to relate to their own personal jokes.
6“Your Eyes Need Diapers.”
Fans may remember this quote from the episode, “The Wandering Juvie,” which saw Bart sent to a Juvenile Correctional Facility after he scammed the town. As Bart was being led away, fans couldn’t help but sympathize with Marge Simpson as she started crying over him. However, to break the tension, the writers included Ralph in the scene.
As Marge ended up being tricked into hugging Ralph, the young boy ends up lightening the mood by saying her “eyes need diapers.” It’s really cleverly scripted and quite funny when viewers look at how it’s delivered.
5“Lies Are Like Stars, They Always Come Out… I Have Five Face Holes.”
While Ralph Wiggum has often come out with some ramblings, there have also been times where he has made a lot of sense. In “The Girl on the Bus,” Lisa is seen to be lonely as she dreams of being friends with someone similar to her. As she is riding the school bus, Lisa meets another young girl who shares a lot of interests with her.
Since their families are complete opposites, Lisa gets a thrill from keeping them separate. However, Ralph soon shocks her (and the viewers) when he advises her to tell the truth because it comes out in the end. Yet this profoundness doesn’t last when he rambles off again. Nevertheless, his statements amuse the viewers because he has brought something else to light that not many people have considered before.
4“Can You Open My Milk, Mommy.”
In “Lisa the Iconoclast,” Ralph was seen to be ridiculed by his classmates for calling Miss Hoover ‘Mommy.’ While Ralph does it intentionally, it could be deemed a little bit funny because of how relatable it is. For instance, fans could probably recall an instance where they or a friend have accidentally called their teachers ‘mom’ or ‘dad.’
Especially if there is a strong resemblance present. Naturally, everyone would laugh but it would soon be forgotten as something else would get their attention. That’s why it’s such a memorable line.
3“I Was Done Before We Came In.”
Another funny quote of Ralph’s that had fans laughing for ages had to be the one that occurred in “How The Test Was Won.” In this episode, the viewers saw Ralph, Bart and other Simpsons supporting characters Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney sent on a field trip as the other students took their examinations. While on the trip, Skinner is forced to make a pit stop as Ralph insists on going to the toilet.
As Skinner waits on Ralph, the principal’s patience gets tested as he can hear the young boy singing. When Skinner asks if he is finished, the viewers couldn’t help but laugh at his frustration when Ralph states he was done before he even walked in.
2“I Want To Be A Triangle.”
In “All’s Fair in Oven War,” this Simpsons episode sees Bart and Milhouse attempt to live the bachelor lifestyle after getting inspired by several articles in Homer’s Playdude magazines. While at school, Bart invites his classmates to the party, telling them to “be there or be square.”
While everyone knows Bart meant a person would be uncool if they didn’t come, the writers made the scene comedy gold by including another Ralph interjection. Here, the viewers couldn’t help but laugh when they realized Ralph took it in the literal sense as he insisted on being a “triangle.” It’s these little comments that add to his character’s humor.
1“Me Fail English…That’s Unpossible.”
Out of all the scenes that contained Ralph, the funniest had to be the young boy’s response when he realized he failed English. In “Lisa on Ice,” the episode opens with the children of Springfield Elementary in an assembly, listening to Principal Skinner read out the names of those who were failing a subject.
When Skinner reads out Ralph’s name, the young boy runs on stage with glee because he thinks he has won a raffle. When Skinner corrects Ralph, telling him that he is failing English, the second-grader doesn’t believe him. In fact, he insists it is “unpossible.” For years, fans have praised the comedic irony in this statement.