Funny Quotes Positive Quotes

Best It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes

“I am the king of the mountain top!”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The High School Reunion Part 2: The Gang’s Revenge
“I’m the queen of the night!”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The High School Reunion
Charlie: Why were you sleeping in?

“ Hi. I’m a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I’d like some welfare, please.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare
“Having those other people laugh tells me when I should laugh.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 12: The Gang Turns Black
Dennis: Name a Philadelphia celebrity you would like to have a drink with.

Dee: Bill Cosby.

Frank: The cards are a little outdated.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 11: Chardee MacDennis 2
“Well, if I’ve learned anything from films like Executive Decision or Passenger 57, there’s always a way into the cargo hold.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 10: The Gang Beats Boggs
“She said ‘vagina.’ A woman said ‘vagina.’”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 9: The Gang Broke Dee
Frank: Hey, warm sun, cool ocean breezes, getting rip sh*t on ham.

Mac: Wouldn’t you say we’re getting… Hammered?”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
“Fill me up with cream. Turn me into cannoli.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties
Dennis: What’s wrong with the Jersey Shore?

Mac: Come on, you’ve seen that TV show. It’s just a bunch of sweaty Guidos getting hopped up on energy drinks and giving each other diseases.”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
“People change, Frank. Look at me: I went from a tiny twink to the muscle-bound freak you see before you.”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: Frank’s Pretty Woman
“Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie’s would have been a very dark, strange tale”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Dee Gives Birth
“This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks.”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Dee Gives Birth
Principal: I’m a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?

Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn’t have a formal resume on me so I was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I’m hoping to bring to this position.”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Gets a New Member
“If animals have taught me anything, it’s that you can easily die and very quickly under a bus and on the side of the road.”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods
“Just so I’m clear, you don’t actually think things are going to come alive because you’re spending the night in museum, right?”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant
Frank: Anyone want any more catfish?

Charlie: Yo dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They’re delicious. And you can taste that sort of endangered tang…”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
Mac: Hey bro, how’d you lose your hand?

Sailor: Diabetes.

Mac: That’s not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
Dennis: The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy top side, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can’t refuse…because of the implication.

Mac: Okay you had me goin’ there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.

Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She’s out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. ‘Ah there’s nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?’

Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
“And then he smells crime again, he’s out busting heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: Mac and Charlie Write a Movie
“D: Demonstrate Value
E: Engage Physically
N: Nurture Dependence
N: Neglect Emotionally
I: Inspire Hope
S: Separate Entirely”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
“Oh whoops, ooh! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
Frank: See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong.

Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
“I’ll just regress, because I feel I’ve made myself perfectly redundant.”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: Paddy’s Pub
“You bet your ass I’m wearing women’s underwear!”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: Paddy’s Pub
“I do not appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately.”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The World Series Defense
“[trying to say philanthropist] I’m a full-on-rapist.”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Waitress Is Getting Married
Charlie: Do wasps make honey?

Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.

Charlie: Alright well I’m gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Waitress Is Getting Married
Frank: All right, now, pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken. And you’re gonna cook it tonight, make a tasty dinner. It’s gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken.

Beth: Actually, I’m vegan.

Frank: Okay then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Great Recession
Dee: Maybe you shouldn’t have your window open!

Mac: maybe you shouldn’t be throwing jars of piss out the window!”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Gang Hits the Road
“I eat stickers all the time dude!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Gang Hits the Road
“I am going to smack everyone into tiny…little…pieces!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
“I was that little boy, that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I’m a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I’m here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry m’am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me, please just marry me!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
“ I stole a bunch of guns! I’m testing them out, Charles! This revolution is gonna make us a fortune!”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell
“See you, Coach Dick and Balls.”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack
Dennis: You know what I’m concerned about? I don’t want to get too bulky. I want to stay nice and lean and tight. I want to get that Jesus on the cross look.

Dee: I see what you’re saying. I think that crucifixion must have been really good for your core.

Dennis: Oh absolutely. Jesus had like the best abs. He had the right idea. He knew no pain no gain.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack
“You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! Okay! I’ve stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac–how ’bout that for stress?”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack
“The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore. You sat on the sideline while these four titans battled it out. You were jealous that a few pieces of poop got more attention than you.”

 Artemis, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Who Pooped the Bed?
“Im gonna take my bra off, blast my nips.”

 Artemis, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Who Pooped the Bed?
“ Surprise, bitches! We’re alive and it’s blowing your minds right now!”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Mac and Charlie Die
Dennis: No, I’m not going to talk in a southern accent. It’s bad enough that you wore this stupid ‘disguise.’

Charlie: But we’re oil men! We would have southern accents.

Dennis: Yeah, but we don’t need bolo ties and stupid hats.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis
“Of course I’m gonna explode. You think I’m not gonna explode?”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Mac and Charlie Die
“Dennis, if I was looking for safe I wouldn’t be sticking my dick through a wall.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Mac and Charlie Die
“Yeah! Yeah, that’s the classic setup. You know this, no? Look, every great crew in history has followed that basic dynamic, right? Looks, brains, wildcard. Think about it! The A-team did it. Scooby Doo did it. The Ghostbusters did it!”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis
Dennis: Lay it on us, bud.

Mac: It involves us pulling up our bootstraps, oiling up a couple of asses, and doing a little plowing of our own. Not gay sex.”

 Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis
“Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that’s not for us…those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We’re just here to eat some dude!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Mac and Dennis
Frank: Hey! I killed a deer, I should get to eat it. That’s the natural order.

Mac: Wait, you shot a deer?

Frank: That’s right! A ten point buck!”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: Mac and Dennis
Mac: I do not even understand the smell coming from your body, dude.

Charlie: Oh my God, dude, relax. Dude, I forgot to put on deodorant, okay?

Mac: I have never once, never once seen you wear deodorant, Charlie, never once.

Charlie: Yeah well, you never seen me once wash my testicles either but that doesn’t mean I don’t do it every Friday.”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Dances Their Asses Off
“ I don’t wanna see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Bums
“Masturbating Bums are bad for Business.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Bums
Dennis: Frank, we don’t need the chainsaw. Is that what’s in that bag?

Frank: Oh, we do…because drawing a confession out of someone is like doing a beautiful dance…a beautiful dance with a chainsaw.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Mac Is a Serial Killer
“Glue is for huffing, dude!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person
“We set the building on fire, you just happened to catch on fire!”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Frank Sets Sweet Dee On Fire
“I’m not asking you to do anything, just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Sells Out
“Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!”

 Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Sells Out
Dee: Those goddam North Koreans.

Dennis: They are some sneaky bastards.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation
“Mac, I’m gonna stop you right there. First of all, your breath smells like an old-lady fart passing through an onion. Secondly, I know you’re trying to manipulate me. And it’s not going to work. Get your hand off my shoulder because I’ve got a fatty to burn.”

 Deandra Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo
“Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.”

 Dennis Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Held Hostage
“When we get out of this, I’m gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast…Not in the sexual way! In the ‘I am pissed off’ sort of way.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Held Hostage
“The acid’s makin’ me feel like I gotta take a dump.”

 Frank Reynolds, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Invincible

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *