Funny Quotes

61 Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

61 Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile. Here are the best funny quotes on life to read from the famous authors that will inspire you. May these short funny quotes on life enlighten you that having a good sense of humor has significance in our lives to be more meaningful. Share these funny quotes and sayings with your friends, family, and loved ones that will make them smile, laugh, and inspire them as well.

1. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

2. Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. – Dave Barry

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

3. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. – José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

4. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

5. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. – Mark Twain

6. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. – Anonymous

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

7. My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

8. I don’t hate you… I just don’t like that you exist. – Gena Showalter

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

9. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

10. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

11. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield

12. The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. – Lucille Ball

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

13. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. – Steven Wright

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

14. Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir

15. I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. – Charles Dickens

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

16. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. – Rodney Dangerfield

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

17. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas. – Claude Pepper

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

18. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

19. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

20. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

21. Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. – Joey Adams

22. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety- seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. – Ellen DeGeneres

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

23. Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. – Robert Benchley

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

24. I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are. – Jarod Kintz

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

25. You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!! – Bill Watterson

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

26. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

27. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. – Norm Crosby

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

28. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? – Scott Adams

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

29. If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. – Anonymous

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

30. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it. – Clarence Darrow

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

31. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. – Cullen Hightower

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

32. All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. – H. L. Mencken

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

33. It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. – Marilyn Monroe

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

34. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. – George Bernard Shaw

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

35. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. – Mae West

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

36. Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

37. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. – Mark Twain

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

38. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! – Billy Connolly

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

39. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carey

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

40. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. – Charles Gordy

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

41. You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! – Eric Thomas

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

42. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. – Albert Camus

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

43. Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. – William Goldman

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

44. It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. – Rose MacAulay

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

45. All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. – Alexander Woollcott

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

46. Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint. – Markus Herz

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

47. Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. – Frank Moore Colby

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

48. It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. – Andy Borowitz

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

49. There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny. – Jon Macks

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

50. At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. – Ann Landers

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

51. The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much. – Anonymous

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

52. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. – Ann Landers

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

53. I don’t have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon’s bills are so high. – Rory R. Cuphist

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

54. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. – Anton Chekhov

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

55. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. – Woody Allen

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

56. I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. – Arthur C. Clarke

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

57. Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. – Charles M. Schulz

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

58. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right. – Ashleigh Brilliant

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

59. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. – Phyllis Diller

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

60. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. – Betty White

Short funny quotes about life that will make you smile

61. Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. – Thomas Sowell

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